I know the Word of God tells us to forgive those that ask for forgiveness. But what about those that never showed or had any remorse for their actions? This is something I’ve had a hard time dealing with. Because when I reached a point in my life and accepted the fact that we were just kids when all of this started happening. He was 12 and I was 6 years-old. But the abuse went on until he was 19 and then the slander came. He never admitted any wrongful doing. Matter of fact, he did everything he could to try to ruin my other relationships. His slander poured salt on old wounds that hadn’t completely healed.
Matthew 18:21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?" 22 Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
I have to be honest. I’ve had to ask God to show me how to forgive. I thought I could do forgive and forget. But when he kept slandering me. I couldn’t. I wasn’t as strong as I thought I was. And the pain that it caused jeopardized my other family relationships. Because they thought I should just forgive and forget. But yet he was allowed to slander me. I had to break off the toxic relationships. I knew if I was going to have any kind of life. I had to exclude certain people from my life.
And somehow just as Christ showed me grace and forgiveness of my sins. I had to be able to show the same kind of grace to him. A grace that could only be from God.
After all of these years I am still trying to process through the five stages of grief. It hasn’t been easy. Just as it isn’t easy for a dying person to process. And just like them there are some stages that I may never reach. The anger is still there for all the years I missed. I felt like my childhood and the innocence of it was stolen from me. Bargaining, there’s no more bargaining. Denial, I realize what I went through as a child and how I’ve had to cope with it as an adult. Acceptance, I will never accept that the weaker are targets for the stronger. Depression, I still carry that pain as a broken child. Time doesn’t heal it. Grace soothes it!
Read my book: Raw Grief Escaping Fire to Water