Choosing your Battle with your Foster/Adoptive Child
Don’t let everything become a battle. Choose your battles. Your foster child probably isn’t use to doing chores. And when you try to get them to do their chores they may become resentful, and even combative. If you know that your child always wakes up with an attitude, and he/she isn’t a morning person. The last thing you want to do is to light their fuse. Instead of saying make your bed. “You might rephrase it and say “have you made your bed?” The worst thing you can do is get behind them and swat them or you may feel all the years of anger from an elbow jabbed into your arm. Sometimes it’s the quietest child that can act the sweetest that becomes the most violent. When they first wake up they haven’t had their meds yet to stabilize their moods. The best thing that seems to work for us is taking a way some privileges, and limit electronics. Talk to your child about anger, and teach them how to control it. We know if we keep stretching a rubber band that it can only stretch so far before it breaks. It can only handle so much stress. The same thing for a tea kettle, we know when it whistles it’s ready. Learn to recognize their red flags. Foster kids are going through a lot of stress in their minds worrying about their placement, and if this placement is going to be temporary or permanent. Even adoptive kids continue to worry about pleasing their adoptive parents, and sometimes they feel like no matter what they do it never is good enough. Because their good might not be good enough to you, even if you see little effort put into their chores, reiterate that you’re proud of them and you love them. Acceptance and acknowledgement is what they thrive to hear from you. Even if you have to force it out of you, say it!
Ephesians 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. 2 Honor thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) 3 That it may be well with thee, and thou may live long upon the earth. 4 And, fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Ephesians 4:26“In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold.
Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Don’t let everything become a battle. Choose your battles. Your foster child probably isn’t use to doing chores. And when you try to get them to do their chores they may become resentful, and even combative. If you know that your child always wakes up with an attitude, and he/she isn’t a morning person. The last thing you want to do is to light their fuse. Instead of saying make your bed. “You might rephrase it and say “have you made your bed?” The worst thing you can do is get behind them and swat them or you may feel all the years of anger from an elbow jabbed into your arm. Sometimes it’s the quietest child that can act the sweetest that becomes the most violent. When they first wake up they haven’t had their meds yet to stabilize their moods. The best thing that seems to work for us is taking a way some privileges, and limit electronics. Talk to your child about anger, and teach them how to control it. We know if we keep stretching a rubber band that it can only stretch so far before it breaks. It can only handle so much stress. The same thing for a tea kettle, we know when it whistles it’s ready. Learn to recognize their red flags. Foster kids are going through a lot of stress in their minds worrying about their placement, and if this placement is going to be temporary or permanent. Even adoptive kids continue to worry about pleasing their adoptive parents, and sometimes they feel like no matter what they do it never is good enough. Because their good might not be good enough to you, even if you see little effort put into their chores, reiterate that you’re proud of them and you love them. Acceptance and acknowledgement is what they thrive to hear from you. Even if you have to force it out of you, say it!
Ephesians 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. 2 Honor thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) 3 That it may be well with thee, and thou may live long upon the earth. 4 And, fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Ephesians 4:26“In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold.
Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
