Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God that transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

I think God created a safety net for some children that go through sibling sexual abuse or any kind of abuse to protect our fragile minds.  I remember as a small child, we had this tall mimosa tree in our front yard and an elm tree in our backyard.  And as soon as I felt threatened. I turned into a beautiful butterfly with wings that would take off flapping my large wings, and I would fly straight for the top of the tall mimosa tree, where its fragrant flowers felt so soft, and if the threat continued, I would fly to the top of the elm tree where I stayed nestled like a bird. And if the threat heightened I would take off flying to other treetops on the block in my neighborhood hiding out in their thick branches and leaves.  I knew when I was up in those trees that no one could hurt me.  No one could touch me. This was the only place where I felt safe.  I wouldn’t come down from those treetops until the threat was over.  I would then wake up and see my big brother standing over me and I was exposed for his eyes only. And, then, I would be overwhelmed in shame.
I didn’t know what happened to me or what he did to me.  I just knew that I hurt.  He tells people that I became sexually active at the age of seven-years-old.  What he and his friends did to me was never consensual.  He took it above curiosity.  It was a violation of my space and most of all my body and spirit. 
I know now if it hadn’t been for God protecting me during these attacks that I would’ve lost my mind.  But it was the grace of God that got me through the trauma. 
I know there are people that ask how can God allow bad things to happen to children?  I asked the same thing for many years.  I even became angry at God that he would allow things to happen to me.  But, I realize now that it was God that saved me by grace.  My brother’s actions were that of the devil and the sin nature of the world.  God never promised us that we wouldn’t go through bad things.  But he did promise that when we are going through bad things that he will never leave us or forsake us.
Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

​Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley. I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
 
I wonder if it was the hand of God that changed me into a butterfly to escape the trauma.
 
It's estimated that 400,000 babies a year are born in homes of sexual abuse.  And most of those abuses are from an older sibling or father.  I was one of those babies born. 
If you were one of those babies like I was. I want you to know that you’re not alone. You don’t have to carry that burden or brokenness alone.  Jesus came to heal the brokenhearted and to set the captives free.  I have just handed you the keys to freedom through Jesus Christ my Savior. 
You can take this time now to talk to God as if he were standing right there next to you and ask him to come into your life and be your Lord and Savior.  And ask him to forgive you of all your sins known and unknown.
Ephesians 2:8  For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God
What a wonderful gift God sent to us when he sent Jesus Christ into the world to be an atonement for the sins of the world.
After you make this commitment to Christ, I would suggest that you take the next step and be baptized.  I believe that baptism helps heal our mind and clean our conscience.
I personally prayed to God and asked him to build borders around my mind where the enemy could not enter. And as I prayed this prayer I saw crosses light up in the corners of my mind where the enemy the devil could not cross.
I also make it a point to be careful of what I see and hear.  It applies to the simple rule garbage in garbage out.  Whatever you allow into your mind is going to come out through your actions or speech.  And the most important thing is to stay grounded in the word of God.  Pick out the Bible verses as your weapons that you will use to defend your life. 
Hebrews 4:12
For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. 13 Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.
 
Remember this verse and study it.  It’s letting us know to win any battle that we face on earth, we must use the word of God to win the battle. You can’t fight and win the battles if you don’t know the word of God.
Ephesians 6:16  In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

You can help support our ministry by reading my book: Raw Grief Escaping Fire to Water

#Testimony
#Siblingsexualabuse
#SSA
#CSA
#Disgraced

You can also get my original elephant on canvas to be the eyes and ears on your child's wall that reminds you to always keep your eyes and ears open to end sibling sexual abuse. The surfboard is a reminder that every child deserves and needs safe space to grow.
​

Psalm 34:18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

I felt like my brother took my identity, then he took my life and my soul.  Once the attacks started I would never be the same.  He did everything to me that he could possibly think of to destroy me.   I had no chance as a child.  I had no chance against the wildness that ran through his ice cold veins.  There were times that he acted like a wild feral animal.  Once he went in for the kill and got the taste of blood and locked his jaw there was no stopping him.  He had made up in his mind that he was going to destroy me.  He took me bit by bit until there was nothing left of me. And what was left of me, he shared with his friends. I was a frail little girl that couldn’t hold him back. I didn’t have the strength to fight. And my screams became silent screams that no one heard. My tears became as invisible as my screams. Who was I kidding, there was no one to rescue me from his savage incestious mind.  If he was an animal he would’ve been rabid. If he had been from another place and time, he would’ve been the devil in the flesh traveling through time.  Sent on a mission to kill and destroy. It hadn’t been enough for him to have me ran over by a drunk driver and leave me for dead. He wanted to make sure that I went back to where I came from. He wanted to turn me into dust. I was nothing to him. My life had no meaning for him.  He wanted to break me. And he did. I felt as if I died a 1000 deaths already from his lies and slander and travelings hands with each failing heartbeat. He took me deeper into the gates of hell each time he entered my room and pawed at my innocent flesh like a wild animal let loose from its cage.  I woe.. This is the fate of a broken child of sibling sexual abuse to be used and abused and tossed away as if they never smiled or laughed or blinked an eye. This child was left broken and crying and thought soon dying. It was just a matter of time before he would again go for my last breath.  I lay there wondering what was his next plan to take innocence out? Would he give me a blunt blow to the head. Or carry me out kicking and screaming tied with ropes and cement blocks and drop me into the deepest darkest waters? What was going through his evil devious head?

Patricia Kriegel-Kelley
 
Poem
I could’ve swore I saw angels walk past my window.
I surely saw them out there with their long hair flowing and white bushy wings gliding by my closed window.
Or was it Tamar that was brutally raped and Dinah that was raped to standing as advocates against my window?
Did they walk through Heaven’s Window?
Were they crying too as they walked past my closed window?
I wonder a 1000 times if they saw the bursting crack in the window?
Surely God sees my face like an angel’s reflection against a wet misty eyed closed window.
Tell me, when does God come to rescue a child from a breaking window?
Does he appear before a breaking window?
Or does he wait to repair the broken window?
 
#Siblingsexualabuse
#SSAMe2
#Abuse
#Disgraced

I was just in 6th grade in this picture and the light went out in my eyes. I saw no hope. I saw no future. I felt dead inside.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “

​Isaiah 53:5 He was wounded for our transgressions pierced for our inquities and the chastisement of our peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.

#Siblingsexualabuse
#Abuse
#Disgraced
#RawGriefEscapingFiretowater
#Testimony
​#Broken




You can help support our ministry by reading my book: ​Raw Grief Escaping Fire to Water

Follow me on FB
https://www.facebook.com/RAwGriefEscapingFiretowater/


​You can also get my original elephant to be the eyes and ears on your child's wall that reminds you to always keep your eyes and ears open to end sibling sexual abuse. The surfboard is a reminder that every child deserves and needs safe space to grow.

We were used and abused, disgraced by our own brothers and then he wanted to discard me.  People don’t think anything like this can happen in America.  We fight wars because of how other people treat their women and children when the truth of it is if you open your own eyes and ears you will see it right here in America.  There are older brothers here in America that disgrace their little sisters every day.  When the fathers are absent the girls become vulnerable.  This is why it’s so important for fathers to be at home in the evenings to structure their children because if they aren’t someone else is. When both parents are absent the youngest are left at the mercy of the older kids. The parent watching them should be in the same room as them and not separate themselves by going off and doing their own thing.  If you aren’t watching and you leave the youngest unattended. You have no idea what the youngest child is going through. If you suspect any kind of abuse at home by older siblings. I would immediately separate them until you get home.  Have a neighbor or someone else watch the youngest child. Especially if your oldest child bullies other kids. He or she may target the youngest because of jealousy and the attention that they get over them. My brother was known to be a bully. He roped a neighbor off of his bike when he was riding it down the street. He would often attack other boys to prove his strength. There was no doubt that he was a bully. He was often suspended from school for fighting. I was even told by a funeral home director when a family member passed away that he wasn’t allowed in there because he was the meanest kid in school. I looked at the funeral director and said if you think he was mean at school think about how he treated his little sister. There were many times I had black eyes and bruises on my body from him hitting me.  He was downright mean. He walked up to my five-year-old and hit her in the arm and she started crying. And he was a grown man. It didn’t matter the age he would walk up to people in our family all ages and punch them. It made no sense. But it made him feel good!
 
God intended for older brothers to be the protectors of their little sisters. He didn’t put them in the family to be broken and taken advantage of.  I think it breaks God’s heart when he sees one of his children being abused.
If a boy comes against his sister in this way he disgraces his sister and comes against God.
 
Now I don’t know who influenced my brother. I know that there was some mental illness in the family on my mom’s side.  My dad would often say his brain was chemically unbalanced.  He was a sex addict and addicted to alcohol and drugs. He went AWOL in the Army.  He didn’t have the same characteristics of my dad. He abused women and children. When he was younger he abused animals. He liked putting rubber bands around stray dogs necks to see how long it would take for it to die. Or put a glass jar over their heads to suffocate them. He was never a gentle loving kid.
 
Leviticus 19:17 “'If a man has marital relations with his sister , whether the daughter of his father or his mother , so that he sees her nakedness and she sees his nakedness , it is a disgrace . They must be cut off in the sight of the children of their people . He has exposed his sister's nakedness ; he will bear his punishment for iniquity

​The Bible tells us that this sin goes against the brother. The brother has exposed his sister to nakedness.
 
What happened to us girls is similar to the story of Joseph we were traded off for other sisters so in essence they could build their own harem of girls for their pleasures. It isn’t much different than human trafficking. I hope that none of us were raped. I will never know how far it all went with the other sisters. I know it was enough to break me and make me feel ashamed.  I’m sure it did the same to them. For many of us our lives were changed forever.  I know some of the sisters started eventually getting pregnant to leave the sister club.  Some dropped out of school never being able to fulfill their dreams. I lived with that shame for years. Not knowing who it was that saw me and felt me in the darkest hours. 

I have spoken with several women that went through the similar things. I've talked to doctors, and other women who went through the same thing.  There is no social discrepancy. What brings us together is our shame.

If you have been wounded by this.  I urge you to give it to Jesus. He is our healer.  

John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. 

#Testimony
#Disgraced
​#Protectlittlesister
​#SSA
​#Siblingsexualabuse

2 Samuel 13:2  Amnon became so obsessed with his sister Tamar that he made himself ill. She was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her.

2 Samuel 13:15 Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!”

​
Sometimes it’s the purity of innocence that makes a girl even more beautiful. In wakening eyes of a teenage brother a young girl can easily fall prey to wandering and lustful eyes.  Just as Tamar’s brother became obsessed with her.  My brother became obsessed with me.  It was as if I woke up one morning and he decided he have to have a piece of me.  It wasn’t enough to destroy me by having me hit by a car and letting his friend molest me.  He had to have every piece of me.
And like Tamar I became the object of his scorn. He tried to do everything he could to ruin my reputation to belittle me.  His obsession for me turned into hatred for me.  It wasn’t until one of his friend’s came into my room with him and his buddies that my brother proceeded to undress me by trying to take off my pajama top off in front of him. That I recognized the familiar voice.  He was one of my friend’s next door neighbors. I would often see him at Deaon’s house. I could tell he had a crush on her. He looked at me and said, “Are you going along with this? No, please, I cried, please leave my room.  He looked at me stunned and said, I can’t do this, I won’t be any part of this. Man, this is your sister. How can you do this to your own sister?  My brother said, oh, come on, she enjoys it! No! Adam said this is not right! And the four of them left my room. I wept. Wondering when would it all end.  My screams became silent. No one came to my rescue.  My father was outnumbered. He didn’t have the fight in him to rescue me or to stop them. And my mother looked at it as a helpless prank on little sister. I was only fourteen with a crazy 19-year-old brother that couldn’t keep his hands off of me.  While other teenage girls were dreaming about their first kiss, their first dance. I was fighting to survive. And told if I said anything that my body would be tied with bricks and I would be thrown in the deepest part of the lake where no one would ever find me.
 
Today there are girls that are stuck in human trafficking.  It wasn’t anything that they woke up and said. Hey, I want to be sold. I want strangers to touch me.  These girls are forced into acts that they don’t want any part of.  These girls are beaten and threatened if they say anything or do anything that their lives will suddenly end.
It’s time for it to end. 
 
For you out there that have been violated and hurt.  I can feel your pain.  I understand. I want you to know that there’s a Savior out there ready to free you from your bondage and pain. His name is Jesus Christ.  He died for us so that we would have eternal life. He died on that cross taking all of our shame away.  You too can walk in freedom today.  Just call on his name, and he will meet you where you are!
 
 
​Psalm 22:5 To you they cried out and were saved; in you they trusted and were not put to shame. 

Psalm 34:5
Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.

Psalm 119:31
I hold fast to your statutes, Lord; do not let me be put to shame. 

Psalm 69:33 The Lord hears the needy and does not despise his captive people.
 
​#Testimony
​#Disgraced
​#Protectlittlesister