Psalm 34:18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

I felt like my brother took my identity, then he took my life and my soul.  Once the attacks started I would never be the same.  He did everything to me that he could possibly think of to destroy me.   I had no chance as a child.  I had no chance against the wildness that ran through his ice cold veins.  There were times that he acted like a wild feral animal.  Once he went in for the kill and got the taste of blood and locked his jaw there was no stopping him.  He had made up in his mind that he was going to destroy me.  He took me bit by bit until there was nothing left of me. And what was left of me, he shared with his friends. I was a frail little girl that couldn’t hold him back. I didn’t have the strength to fight. And my screams became silent screams that no one heard. My tears became as invisible as my screams. Who was I kidding, there was no one to rescue me from his savage incestious mind.  If he was an animal he would’ve been rabid. If he had been from another place and time, he would’ve been the devil in the flesh traveling through time.  Sent on a mission to kill and destroy. It hadn’t been enough for him to have me ran over by a drunk driver and leave me for dead. He wanted to make sure that I went back to where I came from. He wanted to turn me into dust. I was nothing to him. My life had no meaning for him.  He wanted to break me. And he did. I felt as if I died a 1000 deaths already from his lies and slander and travelings hands with each failing heartbeat. He took me deeper into the gates of hell each time he entered my room and pawed at my innocent flesh like a wild animal let loose from its cage.  I woe.. This is the fate of a broken child of sibling sexual abuse to be used and abused and tossed away as if they never smiled or laughed or blinked an eye. This child was left broken and crying and thought soon dying. It was just a matter of time before he would again go for my last breath.  I lay there wondering what was his next plan to take innocence out? Would he give me a blunt blow to the head. Or carry me out kicking and screaming tied with ropes and cement blocks and drop me into the deepest darkest waters? What was going through his evil devious head?

Patricia Kriegel-Kelley
 
Poem
I could’ve swore I saw angels walk past my window.
I surely saw them out there with their long hair flowing and white bushy wings gliding by my closed window.
Or was it Tamar that was brutally raped and Dinah that was raped to standing as advocates against my window?
Did they walk through Heaven’s Window?
Were they crying too as they walked past my closed window?
I wonder a 1000 times if they saw the bursting crack in the window?
Surely God sees my face like an angel’s reflection against a wet misty eyed closed window.
Tell me, when does God come to rescue a child from a breaking window?
Does he appear before a breaking window?
Or does he wait to repair the broken window?
 
#Siblingsexualabuse
#SSAMe2
#Abuse
#Disgraced

I was just in 6th grade in this picture and the light went out in my eyes. I saw no hope. I saw no future. I felt dead inside.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “

​Isaiah 53:5 He was wounded for our transgressions pierced for our inquities and the chastisement of our peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.

#Siblingsexualabuse
#Abuse
#Disgraced
#RawGriefEscapingFiretowater
#Testimony
​#Broken




You can help support our ministry by reading my book: ​Raw Grief Escaping Fire to Water

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​You can also get my original elephant to be the eyes and ears on your child's wall that reminds you to always keep your eyes and ears open to end sibling sexual abuse. The surfboard is a reminder that every child deserves and needs safe space to grow.

Psalm 104:20 You bring darkness, it becomes night, and all the beasts of the forest prowl.

​Living with PTSD has also been a challenge for me after going through sibling sexual abuse. As a child  I had to stay awake so many nights to prevent anything from happening to me. There were sometimes I went days or weeks without sleep.  It was the only way I knew how to defend myself.  I would lay awake listening for him to open my cracked door.  I always felt like I was more vulnerable because my bedroom door wouldn’t close all the way.  So I Iayed waiting for the next attack to come anticipating nervously what he was going to do to me next.  I noticed like me that most victims are attacked in the dark or at night when they’re the most vulnerable.  Because these predators are too much of a coward to come in during the daylight hours.  They don’t want to be found out so they move secretly in the dark.  I know there were sometimes that I would just pass out from complete exhaustion trying to stay awake. I could only keep up my defense so long before it would happen again.  I dreaded nighttime. I dreaded the dark. I had every reason in the world to be scared of the dark and the monsters that moved at night.
 
Colossians 1:13 For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves,
 
 
I didn’t even know I had PTSD until I went to my family doctor and she questioned me about my childhood and I told her everything.  She sympathetically said I had PTSD.  I told her I thought only people that had been in war get it, and she said no, anytime you go through trauma you can get it.  And she said, by what you told me. You had a very traumatic childhood. She subscribed sleeping pills.  I tried them for a while with antidepressants but I couldn’t take any prescription drugs.  I started treating myself naturally using herbs and changing my diet.  I used alternative medication such as magnesium or Vitamin B6 to help me relax and lavender oil on my pillow and on my feet to help me sleep. And taking Nascent Iodine And I try to eat only organic meat. 

Read my book Raw Grief Escaping Fire to Water to help support our ministry.

I was just the age of this picture when the abuse started. It started out as physical abuse, then it escalated to mental abuse and sexual abuse.

#Siblingsexualabuse
#SSAMe2
​#PTSD
​#Testimony

You can also get my original elephant on canvas to be the eyes and ears on your child's wall that reminds you to always keep your eyes and ears open to end sibling sexual abuse. The surfboard is a reminder that every child deserves and needs safe space to grow.

​

Ephesians 1:2 Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

​Psalm 82:2 "How long will you defend the unjust and show partiality to the wicked? 3 Defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed. 4 Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked.

​It’s very confusing when a family member abuses you.  You’re taught from very early on that you’re supposed to love and defend this person because they’re part of your family.  But when someone deliberately hurts you or targets you, it’s very hard.  I remember as a teenager when my brother joined the Army.   There was a part of me that wished that he was killed in action and would never return. Then I would feel guilty for having these feelings. These were feelings that I couldn’t share with anyone else. But in my mind I thought the only way that I could ever have a normal life if he was erased from it. And I didn’t understand how my mother could always defend such evil.  Because when I looked at him, I saw the redness in his eyes, and he looked like the devil to me.  I didn’t think that there was anyone else meaner on earth. This also confused me.  Because it seemed like the worse you were, is when you were loved the most.  There wasn’t any accountability or reward system for good behavior versus bad behavior.  My mother would always warn me not to say anything to my dad.  My dad when he was younger had zero tolerance for my brother’s actions. So my mom was always on his defense.  If I said anything, I was a tattletale and that was worse than abusing someone. All of these messages to a young child sent off confusion. I think many children are forced into the same situation to stay silent because it can mean division in the family, or charges against the perpetrator.  Or it sends off a worse message that you failed as a parent, and no parent wants to be singled out that they’re a failure. My mother’s biggest thing that I would hear, is what will the neighbors think?  But I learned as I got older the reason that one of my friend’s on my block quit having to do anything with me was because. Her mother said she couldn’t stand to sit back and watch my brother destroy me and no one do anything about it. Honestly, I was surprised that child protective services were never called. I guess back then it was easier for people to not get involved. I think it's good for people to get involved in the safety of a child.

​Juveniles are Frequent Offenders When people hear the term “sex offender,” they picture an adult. But, sex offenders can be minors. In fact, more than one-third of sex offenses against children are committed by other minors, according to the U.S. Department of Justice. Easy access to siblings makes it more likely that an underage offender will choose someone within the household. 

PubMed
​Abstract This paper reviews the literature on the nature and incidence of child sexual abuse, explores the link between child sexual abuse and later sexual exploitation, and reviews the literature on prevention strategies and effective interventions in child sexual abuse services. Our understanding of the international epidemiology of child sexual abuse is considerably greater than it was just 10 years ago, and studies from around the world are examined. Childhood sexual abuse can involve a wide number of psychological sequelae, including low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression. Numerous studies have noted that child sexual abuse victims are vulnerable to later sexual revictimization, as well as the link between child sexual abuse and later engagement in high-risk sexual behaviour. Survivors of child sexual abuse are more likely to have multiple sex partners, become pregnant as teenagers, and experience sexual assault as adults. Various models which attempt to account for this inter-relationship are presented; most invoke mediating variables such as low self-esteem, drug/alcohol use, PTSD and distorted sexual development. Prevention strategies for child sexual abuse are examined including media campaigns, school-based prevention programmes, and therapy with abusers. The results of a number of meta-analyses are examined. However, researchers have identified significant methodological limitations in the extant research literature that impede the making of recommendations for implementing existing therapeutic programmes unreservedly.

10.1177/1524838010378299


Abstract While sibling sexual abuse may be the most common form of sexual violence within the family, relatively few studies have been conducted on this topic. The current study addresses this gap in the literature through analyses of thematic categories in narratives gathered from an online survey of sibling sexual violence. Survivors were asked to report why they believed their siblings had become sexually abusive toward them. Participants believed that their abusers had learned to be abusive due to their own victimization or exposure to pornography, were abusive to establish dominance over them, or had some undisclosed mental illness. While the study does not claim to test these explanations or include abusers' own narratives, it offers insight as to how sibling sexual violence survivors make sense of their experiences and assign blame to abusers and their families. It also offers insights into future inquiries about sibling sexual abuse.

KEYWORDS:adult survivor; family; incest; sibling abuse; victim

PMID:
 
28767001
 
DOI:
 
10.1080/10538712.2017.1354953
​


If you suspect child abuse by another sibling or any type of abuse don't stay silent.  

Read my book Raw Grief Escaping Fire to Water to help support our ministry.

#Testimony
#SSA
​#Siblingsexualabuse
#Abuse
​#Iwillnotbesilent
#RAWGRIEFESCAPINGFIRETOWATER

If my story can save one soul than it was worth letting the truth be known.

Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus

​Pornography addiction is likely to be far more damaging than one of the world’s most well-known narcotics: cocaine.  That’s right!   You don’t hear much about this social disease that’s plaguing America.  But it’s now a proven fact that pornography alters the brain by releasing high levels of dopamine that spikes the brain to reach higher levels of sexual satisfaction.  After the male experiences this new high they rely on it to keep that high.  Once they reach this high through pornography they have to keep it up by viewing more pornography.  This can lead to more violent sexual abuse in society. And yes, victims.  Because the male wants to fantasize about what he just saw on the world-wide-web or nude images.  This can also lead to deep depression because they can’t reach that euphoria high no longer without going deeper and deeper and seeking more and more pornography where it becomes a strong addiction.  It can make the male brain more violent towards women and the innocent around them.  Because they have that one desire to reach that sexual high.  There’s nothing else that can take them there.  But their sugerego and the images implanted in their mind.  The brian stores permanent images that can never be erased.  So Hollywood, when you’re thinking about making your pornographic movies think about the images that can never be erased that are permanently planted in the mind. Think about the innocence of a little girl being subjected to all kinds of things because you want to take your filming to a new high. Cocaine and heroine and opiods can slowly metabolize out of the body.  Where once pornography is viewed it’s a permanent image left to be stored in the brain’s memory that can be taken out and  viewed when thought about. Pornography can lead to hardcore pornography of child pornography.  Then it becomes where they want to act out what they see and visualize.  It stimulates their brian making it more dangerous than any drugs in society.

I remember as child waking up to all kinds of things happening to me.  He wanted to know what it was and how he could get my body to react to certain things that he did to me.  I almost felt like I was a science experiment that was being evaluated.  I would wake up sometimes partially dressed or undressed with shaving cream all over my body.  Or my fingers dipped in warm water trying to get me to urinate on myself.  It was as if he had to know what it was that made my body react to the different things he did. His bedroom was stacked in different pornographic magazines and I was the only girl in the house except for my mother.  And she wasn’t completely modest walking around the house in her bra and panties.  It seemed at the time that I was the only one that wanted to hide my body into refuge.

It was Philippians 4:7 that erased those memories out of my mind.  Jesus will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus if we only allow him to. 

​You too can find redemption at the Cross I don’t care what you’ve done.  Jesus is waiting for you at the Cross just as he was there for me to cleanse me and wipe all my shame away.  The name of Jesus is more powerful than any pornographic picture or image stored in your brain.  You can meet Jesus at the Cross and ask him to set boundaries in your mind that cannot be crossed from this day forward and he can do it.  He can put the joy and satisfaction back into your heart and mind.  You no longer have to walk this earth broken or forsaken.  Jesus is calling!

Please help support this ministry by reading: Raw Grief Escaping Fire to Water

Blessings!
​Patricia Kelley

#HelpStopSSA
​#Testimony
​#Siblingsexualabuse

​Matthew 10:28  Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.

Let’s talk about the real truth.   What’s happening in America from pornography is unbelievable.  I know because, I myself was a victim of it. I saw the cause and effect.  My brother was addicted to pornography by the age of twelve.  I’ve seen foster kids come in and out of our home over the years and most of the 50,000 plus kids in foster care in our state have been sexually abused or sexually exploited.  As a foster parent that took in over 35 kids through the years.  I would take kids into the pediatrician. And being a foster parent the first thing I was asked do you know if she was exposed to sexual abuse?  Most of the kids would confide in me and tell me, if so or not.  The older kids knew from older kids once you say you have been.  You’re immediately separated and not accepted by the pediatrician but you now have to see a specialist.  It doesn’t matter if that child is four-years-old.  The pediatrician explained to me the body chemistry changes immediately after it happens.  She now has to go see a urologist. They’re no longer considered to have the chemistry of a child but that of a woman.  That’s right! I couldn’t believe that a four-year-old couldn’t see a pediatrician because her chemistry changed.  No wonder some kids stay silent about what happened to them.  I had children that would tell me what happened in their biological homes.  And the perpetrator was always involved in pornography or child pornography.  I had a seven-year-old that was so afraid to go to sleep at night that she would sleep with a knife to protect herself from the men her dad sold her to.  I had a four-year-old and her dad would punish her by doing things to her.  She was so miserable that she couldn’t even sat in a tub of clear running bathwater without screaming.  I had two boys in care that the father taught them how to do things to each other.  Pornography destroys more children in America than guns.  If you look at the staggering numbers of children affected by it you will see for yourself what I’m saying is true.  If you take that 50,000 from one state and add up all the other 50 states. The numbers are astronomical of children affected by pornography.  If we had a protest or demonstration of all the children past and present affected by pornography it would outweigh those by guns.  Pornography is the black plague destroying our children.  And yet Hollywood comes out with more movies every year of self-expression and body art exposing America’s children to nudity. When the older boys are wanting to play out what they see on little sister or cousin or the little girl down the street.  They don’t bother to take into consideration the ripple effect that, that one movie or nude picture is going to cause.  Pornography in America is destroying the innocence of America’s children. What would happen if victims of pornography started suing Playboy, Hustler and Penthouse and the others?  If they can go after gun manufacturers we should be able to go after pornography. What if Hollywood was sued for a movie they put out because big brother wanted to play out on little sister 50 shades of gray? Hey, you, in Hollywood if you’re so concerned about America’s children concentrate on making more Christian family movies and stop pushing your exposed body parts to our world’s innocence. And stop pushing movies like the shape of water to be number one.  We need to be careful about what our children see and hear. 

By the way, if you multiply 50,000 by 50 the number is 2,500,000 children affected by pornography a year in America. Scary!

​2 Chronicles 7:14 if My people, who are called by My name, will humble themselves and pray and seek My  face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and I will heal their land.

#PornographyinAmericatheBlackPlague

Read my book Raw Grief Escaping Fire to Water to help support our ministry!

https://www.blueknot.org.au/Resources/General-Information/Impact-on-brain

1. ​(1993) found a 38% increased rate of limbic abnormalities ('emotional brain') following physical abuse, 49% after sexual abuse, and 113% following abuse of more than one type combined ... Stress can set off a ripple of hormonal changes that permanently wire a child's brain to cope with a malevolent world (Teicher, 2002).

​​A number of studies have identified alterations in cortisol production in both children and adults who experienced childhood abuse (Carpenter et al., 2007; Joyce et al., 2007; Linares et al., 2008; McLean Hospital, 2000). Alteration in cortisol levels, either an increase or decrease, can cause a number of long-term physical and psychological health concerns.
Even in utero foetuses experience stress (Cozolino, 2002). Tests have found that foetuses express a biological response indicative of a stress response well before birth (Gunnar, 1998).
The nervous systems of children who are abused run on a constant high because they are constantly anticipating further danger. Their bodies are flooded with fight-or-flight hormones (Cozolino, 2002). A study by Linares et al. (2008) shows alterations in cortisol production in children with histories of abuse and neglect. This state of chronic 'hyper-arousal' persists for many survivors throughout their adult years as well. Even when the abuse and violence has ceased and the environment is 'safe', many adult trauma survivors still perceive the threat to be present; their fear is maintained and becomes pathological (Giarratano, 2004b). A study by Joyce et al. (2007) found that experiences of childhood abuse were associated with high cortisol levels in depressed adult survivors.

#SSA
#Abuse
​#Testimony
​#Siblingsexualabuse

Matthew 6:14 ​For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

​It’s hard for victims of abuse to accept what happened to them.  It’s even harder when the perpetrator denies any wrong.  It puts the victim back into the victim mode of thinking.  If abusers will admit their guilt of their sin, it’s easier to get over it.  But if they never admit any wrongful doing or show any remorse for their actions. They’re victimizing the victim all over again.  And if they slander the victim it makes it worse. Churches need to realize that victims of physical, sexual and emotional abuse don’t just get over it.   The memories however horrific they are they’re stored in a file in the conscious brain.  We stored those memories away because we were too young to process them then.  We didn’t accept what was happening to us.  It wasn’t a slap on the rear. It went much deeper and left wounds that time doesn’t heal.  I know when I became a Christian and started really studying the word of God.  It was when I saw that Jesus was beaten and flogged by his own people.  That I could identify with Christ.  He was spit on too.  I remember as a child coming home from the hospital after surviving being ran over by a drunk driver that my brother orchestrated.  He had kids lined on both sides of the street so I was cornered.  I couldn’t get out of the street. And when I came home with a broken femur.  I wasn’t allowed to use crutches because of the pressure on my leg.  I had to crawl like a baby on the floor dragging my broken leg behind me as my older brother used me as a spitting target and would use any reason to bump into me.  I was already terrified of him.  I knew that I couldn’t tell anyone that he had been the one that scared me into the moving car.  And he was the one that orchestrated the other 11 kids on the block to block me. Every time an abusive situation arose. I was traumatized all over again. 
I know the Word of God tells us to forgive those that ask for forgiveness.  But what about those that never showed or had any remorse for their actions?  This is something I’ve had a hard time dealing with. Because when I reached a point in my life and accepted the fact that we were just kids when all of this started happening. He was 12 and I was 6 years-old.  But the abuse went on until he was 19 and then the slander came. He never admitted any wrongful doing.  Matter of fact, he did everything he could to try to ruin my other relationships. His slander poured salt on old wounds that hadn’t completely healed.
 
Matthew 18:21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?" 22 Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

​I have to be honest.  I’ve had to ask God to show me how to forgive.  I thought I could do forgive and forget.  But when he kept slandering me. I couldn’t. I wasn’t as strong as I thought I was. And the pain that it caused jeopardized my other family relationships.  Because they thought I should just forgive and forget. But yet he was allowed to slander me. I had to break off the toxic relationships.  I knew if I was going to have any kind of life. I had to exclude certain people from my life.
And somehow just as Christ showed me grace and forgiveness of my sins.  I had to be able to show the same kind of grace to him. A grace that could only be from God. 
After all of these years I am still trying to process through the five stages of grief.  It hasn’t been easy.  Just as it isn’t easy for a dying person to process.  And just like them there are some stages that I may never reach. The anger is still there for all the years I missed. I felt like my childhood and the innocence of it was stolen from me. Bargaining, there’s no more bargaining. Denial, I realize what I went through as a child and how I’ve had to cope with it as an adult. Acceptance, I will never accept that the weaker are targets for the stronger. Depression, I still carry that pain as a broken child. Time doesn’t heal it. Grace soothes it!

Read my book: Raw Grief Escaping Fire to Water

#Testimony
#SSA
​#Disgraced
​#Siblingsexualabuse
​

John 11:35 Jesus wept.

​I realized when I worked for hospice as a volunteer coordinator that taught volunteers how to interact with dying patients. That I went through the same five stages of grief as a victim of child abuse.  I went through denial.  I couldn’t believe that this was happening to me.  I went through anger that I didn’t live the same life as my friends.  All I ever wanted was a normal life, with a normal family that loved and got along with each other.  And when someone came against you. You had that strong defense of a family unity.  I couldn’t believe as a child that I had no one to come to my defense.  It made me angry and made me hurt inside.  And there were times that I bargained with God if he would only change my life. I would be a better child. I just wanted to feel safe. I wanted to feel loved. I thought the whole thing about being a good parent was coming to your child’s defense especially when those that are too young and frail to defend themselves.  My mother’s neglect built a wedge between us.  I went through battles of deep depression. I felt alienated by my friends at times because I couldn’t tell them what was happening in my home.  I lived in a dark deep secret that only I knew.  It was another part of my world. It was a dark world where I alone couldn’t close the door.  I craved acceptance.  I wanted to be the favorite of my friends.  I wanted to be accepted by my family and even the one that abused me.  I thought if he finally accepted me that the abuse would end.
 
I realized that my feelings and emotions were the same that Kubler-Ross wrote about in her Five Stages of Grief.   I was experiencing all of these feelings and emotions by the time I was seven-years-old. 

​#5stagesofgrieftoo
Read my book:
Raw Grief Escaping Fire to Water
#SSA
#Testimony
​#Disgraced
​#Siblingsexualabuse                                             

John 8:32 Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.

​There’s just three words that I want to get out and that is #silentnomore.   I think it’s so important in order to be released from the pain of the past to let it out.  The longer you hold it in you give your perpetrator longer to aim for his game plan and that is to ruin your reputation. He’s already working at discrediting you. He started discrediting you the moment he touched you inappropriately.  If you went through years of sexual abuse like I did you need to speak up and out and let it be known.  It doesn’t matter if it’s a family member or someone you know. You have nothing to be ashamed of it wasn’t your fault.  When I talk to young girls I tell them to tell the truth and the truth will set you free!  I lived with that dark secret for years until I buried it.  And I started reaching a point in my life. If this is what people say I am I must be what they say I am.  I lived in shame. And Praise God, he sent me through a journey of the past showing me everything, It was like watching a rerun of my broken life. He even showed me, my dad praying for me when I was hit by a car and I was is in the hospital with a broken femur and internal bleeding. Doctors told my dad I would never walk again.   It was when God showed me my life story that I felt free. I realized then that I was what God said I was and not what people said or thought about me. I was a child of God created by him.  It was then that I started sharing my life story.  I look back today and I know if it hadn’t been for God and the prayers of my earthly father I would’ve never made it.  The devil started targeting me at a very young age.  I really had a horrible childhood.  I didn’t understand the freedom in my life until I spoke out about what happened to me.  Over the years we’ve had several kids that we took in that went through similar circumstances.  I’ve taken kids to forensic centers to be questioned and examined.  I worked as a rape advocate.  I met rape victims at the hospital and was there for them to hold their hand and get them through the examination.  And the only way we can stop the crime against girls or women is to speak out and be #silentnomore. When we break the silence we take the power back. Our perpetrator no longer has control over us. It’s all about power.  They overpower their victims with their physical power. But we have a powerful voice inside of us.
 
Nahum 1:3 The Lord is slow to anger but great in power; the Lord will not leave the guilty unpunished.

#SSA
#Testimony
​#Disgraced
​#Siblingsexualabuse

​Luke 4:18 “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, 19 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.

​Some children are born into the world without a chance. Some children can’t even close their eyes and feel safe in their own home.  Some children are frozen from trauma where they can’t advance in age. Some children have reasons to be afraid of the dark. Some children never get to experience the fun of childhood. Some children every day is the same.  Some children feel awkward and don’t feel the same.  Some children are forced into shame. While to the stronger  it’s all part of the evil game.
 
I wondered what it was that could make someone so evil to attack an innocent child and do perverted evil acts. Freud would call it a manifestation of an unbridled and ruthless egotism.  Someone that’s as wild and ruthless as a feral animal with no moral conscience. Someone that’s so consumed by their own superego that they have no conscience.  Where the unconscious takes over the conscious making them even more evil. They do acts of evil to build up their own egos.  Childhood abuse isn’t anything that you just get over it.  It’s a wound that you carry for the rest of your life and learn to deal with it.  You may go through sleepless nights.  There may be something that triggers that memory and takes you back. It can be the slightest things a movie or a smell that can trigger those horrific memories. For me and what triggered me recently was watching the movie The Shack. After I watched it I had problem sleeping. And I had to start taking my magnesium to relax me. You may feel anger and resentment that the person that did these horrible things to you never had to face the consequences never was accountable for his actions.  You might be plagued with nightmares that you don’t understand. Or wake up frightened to death.  These are all normal thoughts for a person that was abused as a child.  I don’t know how many times I would have nightmares where someone had their hand over my mouth. And started violating me with a group of others.  This all represented what I went through as a child.  Even in my sleep my conscious was making me aware of the evil that happened to me.  It was when I would feel that hand go over my mouth that I would fight to get out the name of Jesus and those thoughts that captivated my mind would leave.   Jesus Christ is the only one that can save you! He’s the only one that can set the captives free.  When we become prisoners of our mind and what happened. You may be 60, 50, 40, 30 or 20 years-old. It doesn’t matter how old you are.  You still have that frightened child inside of you.  And sometimes she comes out screaming from nightmares in the night.
 
Child abuse is something that we all need to work at to end. Abusers should be held accountable for what they did to others.  We can only end child abuse by making others aware that it’s real and the repercussions of a survivor telling their story.  Every child has a story.  And some of those stories aren’t the stories we want to hear.  Some of those stories will break your heart.  This is my life and this is my story.

​James 4:7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

​Acts 3:16 By faith in the name of Jesus, this man whom you see and know was made strong. It is Jesus' name and the faith that comes through him that completely healed him as you can all see,

1 Corinthians 5:3 For my part, even though I am not physically present, I am with you in Spirit. As one who is present with you in this way, I have already passed judgment in the name of our Lord Jesus on the one who has been doing this.
 
#Thisismystory
#Testimony
#Disgraced
​#SSA
#Siblingsexualabuse