Matthew 18:1 At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, "Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" 2 He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. 3 And he said: "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
I remember as a child my mind was filled with visions and dreams. My brother could antagonize me a 1000 times and I always forgave him. He could bully me and I would defend him. Matter of fact, when the biggest threat in my life at the time's life was threatened. I rescued him from someone that jumped behind him and started choking him. I got on top of both of them with a hammer and said, 'Let my brother, go!' And he did! I wouldn't have really used the hammer but he didn't know it. And at the time I was a little petite thing that probably weighed less than 60 lbs. And they were five years older than me. But I had a burst of courage to stand up for what was right. I was fearless! And you had not better mess with anyone in my family! I may have only weighed 50lbs but I was courageous when the occasion arose.
I remember my big brother that was five years older being embarrassed that his little sister rescued him. He told me then, I better never mention it, again! Sh! I was only ten. The doctor said had I not stopped the choking he would've died a few seconds more! His eyes were about to pop out of his head and he had to wear sunglasses for weeks to protect them. Little sister to the rescue! Like David against Goliath. I won!
But as time went by and the more shenanigans he pulled the less forgiving I became. Especially, when he lied or tried to set me up for failure. I wanted less and less to do with him. And when I was confronted and told that it was him that planned my accident in which I was ran over by a car at the age of six. I didn't have to be told I knew all along it was him, I remembered the voice and face that scared me into the street. It was him. The bully I lived with in my unsafe home. He was my tormentor. I forgave him, and then he pulled more things and I had a list by now of all the things he did against me. And I saw that he was never there for me and it made my heart grow calloused towards him. I now became the accuser instead of the child rescuer.
I had to turn all my pain over to God. Today, this day, we still don’t talk. He forgot how I rescued him, and I quit being the rescuer.
You see, my childhood wasn't the wonder years, it was how do I survive years?
Oh, God, help me to find that childhood faith that can conquer all! Help me to be the rescuer again and not the accuser. But most of all, help me to forgive those that have used and abused me in my lifetime and those that betrayed my trust!