I could see my broken father praying. He was a great man of faith. I had a broken femur bone and internal bleeding. My parents were told there was a possibility that my leg would never grow, and that I would never walk.
You could say that I lived in a home divided. I felt like there was always a tug a war going on with my soul a war against good and evil. I saw the evil in his red bloodshot eyes. I felt it in his fist. My life as a child was a world built around fear.
I really didn’t understand a relationship with God. I thought if you were good you went to heaven and if you were evil you went to hell. I always thought heaven was so far and so unreachable.
And because of the fear I lived in I had made bad choices in my life. I knew what it was to have a cursed life.
At the age of thirty-six years- old I found myself in another bad situation, but this time I was told that I would probably die. My family members came in to say good bye. I was in intensive care by a husband that beat me and left me for dead. Telling me that I would be dead in a few hours and our pets wouldn’t even want to lie with me because I would be so cold. And everyone would think that I killed myself. It was just a matter of time.
That night I cried out to Jesus. I began praying the Lord’s Prayer. I wasn’t even sure I was saying all the words right. But, you know with God he searches the heart and makes everything right. I lived. God gave me a second chance, and Jesus was with me guiding me back.
It was several years later that I remarried. By now my kids were grown with kids of their own. I had a daughter that was having relationship problems and started staying at our home. We led her to the Lord. Three days after she was saved, and a day before her birthday she passed away.
I cried out to God. I don’t think anything in this world is harder than the death of a child. When she died a part of me died with her. I didn’t understand. Here, I felt like I was doing everything I could by leading children to the Lord. But it seemed my life was cursed. Why lord? I cried! I gave her back to you as I said I would the day her and her twin sister were born. Not fully understanding what I was promising at the time. But God stuck me to that promise. The day of her birthday I was picking out her casket planning her funeral.
The night before her funeral I was lying in bed and I could hear her voice. Mom, I’m sending you a bouquet from heaven. Mom, It’s so beautiful here. You wouldn’t believe it. I could see this bouquet of pink and purple flowers and as they bloomed fireworks went off in different colors. She said there are colors here in heaven that we don’t have on earth. Then suddenly her voice faded and soon it was gone.
Jesus appeared to me and said woman why do you grieve for that which has eternal life? I had to ask myself the same question. I was grieving for the days and holidays that we would no longer share here together on earth. I was grieving for myself. When heaven was celebrating the return of a princess, I was in deep mourning.
I wasn’t realizing the peace and spiritual gifts that the Lord had given me and the peace that most mothers would want to have to see their loved one again.
After the death of my daughter came the death of my father, then my mother.
It had been a few months after my dad had passed that my mother passed away too. She died four months after him. I was in bed sleeping and I suddenly woke up and saw my mother and my grandmother, Kriegel and my dad. They were all standing there together. I could hear my mother’s voice as I had as a child when she would wake me up for school in the morning. Her soft voice saying wake up, it’s time to get up. But when I opened my eyes I saw all three of them standing there at the foot of my bed looking at me. They looked so happy to see me! And, they started waving at me. They all looked younger my parents looked like they were in their twenties. My grandmother looked like she was in her thirties. They all three seemed excited to see me.
Then it was a short time later that I had another dream. This time I was visited by an angel that said it’s time. The Angel took me and placed a bubble all around me. I was riding on the wings of faith. I was soon floating through the heavens seeing the earth below admiring all of God's Creation. I remember I couldn’t get over the speed in which I was traveling. Then I arrived in a room. In this room I saw my dad and a black-man that he had been in the hospital with when he had his first heart attack. I remembered him. Then, I saw my dad and he looked at me and said this is my daughter with a heart. The other one’s full of greed. The black-man said he had heard a lot of good things about me.
I remember my dad and he looked younger as if time and age were reversed. I felt at that time I was getting a glimpse of heaven. I wanted to look farther, but they wouldn’t let me. It was forbid. I was just so glad that I was given that opportunity to see my dad again.
You see when my dad died and I wasn’t even called by my greedy family. I had found out through his family that notified me of his death. When I showed up at the funeral I basically was told by my family that I wasn't welcomed there. He was in his casket in a moth eaten old suit. They didn't even have him dressed in his Honor Guard Suit. They made sure any memory of me was gone also of my children. They flashed pictures when my parents were younger with all their pictures included, but not one picture of me. They tried to make it appear as if I had never existed.
But God showed me that I more than existed. I was remembered for my heart. And nothing or nobody could ever erase my existence. My life woven in heaven and nothing could separate me from the love of my dad, not time or death. Because in heaven everyone is alive and well and God is the keeper of time.
Psalms 37: 4 Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you your heart’s desires.
5 Commit everything you do to the Lord.
Trust him, and he will help you.
6 He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn,
and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun.
I never got to have that closure with my father, but God allowed this daddy’s girl to see her dad for that last time. It had been over four years since I had seen or heard from him. My other family members refused to let my parents see me or my kids. My heart was crushed. But God searched my heart and knew the desires of my heart. And he gave me peace that my dad was is heaven and that he still loved me. He let me see that we still have our family in heaven. I even got a hug from my dad that healed this broken heart.
I remember before our foster girls were taken that we were going to adopt. I woke up at 3:00 Am one morning and I saw this large serpent over our home circling around it. I asked the Holy Spirit why it was here and he said to destroy my family.
God's not finished yet! The last vision I saw Michael was stabbing that serpent.
Matthew 12:28 But if it is by the Spirit of God that I drive out demons, then the kingdom of God has come upon you.
Joel 2:28 “And afterward, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions. 29 Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days. 30 I will show wonders in the heavens and on the earth, blood and fire and billows of smoke.
Acts 2:17 “ ‘In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams. 18 Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days, and they will prophesy.
Luke 20:38 He is not the God of the dead, but of the living, for to him all are alive.”